One day I walk on flowers
One day I walk on stones
Today I walk in hours
One day I shall be home
Bruce Cockburn, One Day I Walk
My Story
I am a trauma survivor and a person living with PTSD. The other facts of my life seem less important than that. However, I think that they help to put my healing journey in context. I am a writer living in Vancouver, British Columbia. I grew up in Michigan and have spent more than 20 years living in Canada, first in the Canadian North, then more recently in Vancouver. I have a son who just turned 18, a rescued cat - who is still recovering from trauma herself - and a wonderful husband who I've been married to for 30+ years. We live in a townhouse in a city that was recently cited as the most expensive place to live in North America. It's a great place, in most ways, but the cost of housing is painful and, as we'll see in future posts, not always suitable for someone who cannot work full-time.
I have experienced major traumas and losses in my life, most of them between the ages of 17 and 37. (The picture at the left was taken about 4 or 5 years before the most painful trauma in my life took place.) It took me nearly 20 years, however, to be diagnosed with PTSD and truly begin the work of recovery. I'm writing Life after Trauma to share my story with readers. I hope that some of the things I've learned along the way may help you too. Life after Trauma is a place to find information on PTSD, trauma, resilience, the grieving process and more. There will also be features on such topics as healing music, poetry, books, and restorative practices. This blog is intended to support trauma survivors and their loved ones with their healing journeys - journeys that may often seem like one step forward and two steps back. It is not intended, however, to replace a therapist or medical doctor. If you think that you have PTSD, you should seek out a practitioner to help you, as nothing really substitutes for having one-on-one sessions with a qualified counselor. (I see both a therapist and a medical doctor.)
The Power of Self-Kindness
One thing that is essential to the healing process is learning to be kind to yourself. This may not sound that hard to do. But for trauma survivors, trusting anyone - especially ourselves - is not easy. We need to be kind to ourselves because, all too often, the world will not be kind to us or understand why we can't "just get over it." Sigh. If only it were so easy. The truth is that if you've experienced trauma, particularly continuing or chronic trauma, it takes a long time to heal, some might say a lifetime. That's okay. Don't hurry yourself. As my doctor told me once, "healing is a process not a race." So, above all learn to be kind to yourself and good things will come from that. It took me a long time to "get kindness," but the longer you practice self-kindness, the easier it becomes. Try to be as tender with yourself as you might be if you were holding a small bird. Sometimes, we are that delicate. But we are also strong. Below is a poem about survivors.
Chorus of the Rescued
by Nelly Sachs
We, the rescued, Beg you:
Show us your sun, but gradually.
Lead us from star to star, step to step.
Be gentle when you teach us to live again.
Lest the song of a bird or a pail being filled at the well
Let our badly sealed pain burst forth again
And carry us away ---
I'd Love to hear your story
I really want to hear your story. Remaining silent about the events that have affected our lives, adds to our trauma burden. I realize that sharing your story may not be possible for everyone and, so, I hope that reading my blog may inspire you to tell your own story, if not here, then in your journal or to a friend or to a counselor. Perhaps, you feel like it's too frightening to share your story. It's as if speaking about what happened, makes it too real. That's okay. Maybe someday you'll feel strong enough for that. Until then, I hope you gain from my story and the other stories I'll be sharing on my blog.
Combat Trauma
Although I will deal with combat trauma on my blog, it will not be my main focus because there are so many other wonderful resources out there for people who are living with combat trauma. I have great compassion for people who face this tremendous challenge. Two of my mother's brothers fought in World War II. I tell their stories on my blog and also write about how the activism of Vietnam War veterans led to the first official diagnosis of PTSD. If you visit my blog, I hope you find some comfort and information here that helps you on your healing journey.
